JJ Update

I have noticed a pattern to JJ's stupidity: it comes around the same time every month.

SHE gets PMS!

And SHE has it bad, too.

I think that is hilarious. Just one more mark in my favour... I don't suffer from the emotional turmoil of PMS. I never have. A number of years ago, JJ told me that I wasn't totally immune to it... I guess he thought I was a little cranky on occasion. What I didn't do, was push him into doing things he knows are wrong -- like those 2am phone calls.

This month, SHE has decided that I am trying to control him. This was manifested in part by him demanding that I do certain things. He made some unreasonable late-night phone calls to my sisters' house when I was there. KH answered the phone, because it is her phone. So JJ and SHE decided to argue with KH. KH ended up calling the police for advice, and they told her how to block a phone number from calling her -- and said that if JJ called again from a different phone, to call them right back and they would be able to take action.

One of the unreasonable demands he made on me was that I take the paperwork back to the courthouse now that I've corrected it.

I said "no".

I told him, I've put alot of time and effort into preparing the papers. I made sure they were properly signed. I paid the initial filing fee -- he paid the second filing fee, which was considerably less than the initial fee. There is no fee for submitting the correction, as long as you have your receipt. He lost his receipt. I am not about to pay the fee again just because JJ lost his receipt.

My final word was "You do it. If you want to get married, you will make sure you get a divorce. It is your responsibility."

He had no further arguements on that point. He knew I was right.

He would save himself so much frustration if he would just treat me like a human being. Somewhere along the line, he decided that he did not have to be courteous to me. This is nothing new. It has been going on most of our marriage. It is just getting worse now.

He has started saying things just to hurt me. He was never so obvious about it before. Now that he suffers from PMS, he does it regularly -- on schedule!

• "My mother says you threatened her. She doesn't like you anymore."
• "You are unstable."
• "You cheated on me!"
• "I was comparing you to other women."
• "You abandoned your kids."
• "I don't want to hurt the kids... I want to hurt you."
• "SHE is afraid you will hurt HER or HER kids."
• "I don't like the way you spend the child support money."
• "You tried to run me over! I'm going to sue!"
• "As soon as JMJ is living with me, I'm cutting the support cheques in half."
• "You don't even know how to give a blow job!"

Some of these things would hurt him if I said them to him, but have no effect on me. Some are untruths or halftruths that he has a history of repeating to me. Some are just plain stupid.

Some of them hurt.

Rats!

And I mean rats!

In the last week, the cat has brought me 2 young rats. He doesn't eat them, so I have to dispose of them.

Tonight, I decided to clean my wine bottles in preparation for bottling my wine. I had cleaned about half of them, when I needed something out of the drawer. I opened the cutlery drawer, and a young rat was sleeping in it! He scurried around a bit, then jumped out of the drawer, into the cupboards.

That startled me! I was not expecting to see a rat. I haven't seen one in the house for a few weeks now. The two the cat brought me came from outside.

I yelled, and jumped back. Now I have to wash everything in that drawer... and everything in the other drawers, and everything in the lower cupboards....

It never ends!

The cat knew something was under the sink, so I opened the cupboard and he went right in. I closed the door behind him... it doesn't latch, so he can push it open when he wants out. After a few minutes, I heard some scuffling. When it stopped, I opened the cupboard door, and out came the cat with a rat in his mouth.

He took the dead rat into the living room, and played with it a bit on the carpet. The dog approached cautiously, and sniffed at it. The cat picked it up and tossed it in the air a couple of times.

I let them play with it for a couple of minutes, then I got out a garbage bag and disposed of the body, followed by disinfectant spray on the carpet where they were playing with it. Then I told them that if they wanted to play some more, they would have to get another one.

I have really had enough of this. I made a shopping list for tomorow:

• circular saw
• rubber gloves (lots)
• disposible painting suit (2)
• 1/2" plywood (2)
• nails
• carpenters' glue
• safety goggles
• mint
• bleach

I read that a mixture of peppermint and spearmint acts as a rat / mouse repellent. So, I have been applying mint extract after I clean each area of the house. I don't know if it really works, but it is worth trying.

Tomorow is devoted to plugging up the rat holes they use to get to my food and dishes.

I don't ever want to see them in my kitchen again!

It's Not Easy Being Green

Ok, I'm not actually green... but I am different.

I have been different most of my life. Since elementary school.

When I was 7 or 8 years old, I wanted to be a fire fighter. Or a stunt driver. Maybe a doctor, or a mechanic. Stock Car racer was on my list, too.

By the time I was in high school, I wanted to be an astronaut. I looked into becoming a pilot in pursuit of that goal. I wanted to be a vetrinarian. I wanted to be a special effects technician. I wanted to be a computer programmer.

My friends were talking about who was cute, and how many kids they wanted. I was talking about what kind of truck I would drive, and how many dogs I wanted.

When they were buying lipstick, I was buying comic books.

They wanted to rent romantic movies. I wanted science fiction.

They were reading Teen magazines. I was reading Omni.

One day, they confronted me and asked me if I was a lesbian.

Ouch.

A couple of times, when rough-housing with them, apparently I accidentally touched someone somewhere private. Add that to the fact that I had no interest in looking for a boyfriend, and they thought I had sexual interest in them.

It took some time to get over that.

I am still different. Most people simply can't understand me -- or can't be bothered. Makes it hard to have close friendships.

Even my own husband had a problem with me being different. He was initially attracted to my sense of adventure and willingness to get my hands dirty. He thought of me as a unique individual.

Then he left me because I was not like other women.

It's not easy being green.

But green's the color of Spring.
And green can be cool and friendly-like.
And green can be big like an ocean,
or important like a mountain, or tall like a tree.

When green is all there is to be
It could make you wonder why, but why wonder why wonder?
I'm green, and it'll do fine. It's beautiful!
And I think it's what I want to be.

Power Portrait

The photo of me I have posted here is a very special photo. It is a self-portrait (with a little help from my kids).

Technical:
I used a 30 second exposure at f5.6 on a Cannon AE1 52mm lens.

Incidental:
It was shot in November, when the nights are dark, in my back yard with all lights turned off. We were carrying flashlights to see what we were doing. One kid operated the camera while the other "drew" me with glow sticks. He was still short back then, so he couldn't reach the top of my head.

We had alot of fun playing with the glow sticks in the dark. I had been planning the shoot all summer... it just never got dark enough for us to do it until Fall. Then JJ left me -- it was our first separation -- 2003.

The landlords had sold the house, so we needed to do the photo shoot before we moved. There would be too much light pollution at the new house -- our new neighbours would live much closer to us than in this house.

Significance:
The kids and I shot off a whole roll of film that night. We tried alot of different things. This is the only shot of me. I have called it my "Power Portrait" since the first time I laid eyes on it. I love the way there is nothing at the top of my head: the light is unable to contain me; I exude so much energy, so much power, that I cannot be contained. The light, which is usually associated with power, has no choice but to yield to me.

In Closing:
This portrait is my visual representation of my separation. The power and the strength that I need shine through the darkness to defeat it.

I am strong.

Resolution?

I started my day on Monday by thinking about what I wanted to say to JJ, and then I wrote it down. I read it several times, to make sure it was non-adversarial. I didn't want to argue... I wanted him to listen to reason. I had 4 main points. I numbered the order I wanted to discuss them, then I phoned him at work.

When I identified myself, he started talking like we were best friends. He sounded happy, jovial. I had to interrupt him to get the conversation started.

I told him we had to talk. He asked "about what?" "2am phone calls." "What do you mean?" "JJ! You were there!"

I couldn't believe he was acting like it had never happened!

He knew he was out of line with his phone call. He made excuses... SHE put him up to it. I knew SHE had. He made excuses for HER. I said something about the second phone call, and he said "what second phone call?" "When SHE called me." "SHE called you? I didn't know that."

SHE picked up his phone when he was in another room, and called me without his knowledge.

By the time I had gone over everything in my notes, he was still talking to me. He hadn't hung up on me. So we continued to talk for a while. I found out that SHE doesn't let him answer his phone when SHE is around. SHE makes him let it go to voice mail, then check if it is me or the kids calling.

SHE is very insecure. SHE is jealous of me. HER ex has never communicated with HER the way JJ and I do, so HER perception is that there is something wrong with us. SHE is afraid JJ will decide he wants to come back to me.

I guess SHE forgot the part where he cheated and lied to me. I wouldn't take him back if he did want to. He is soiled now. I don't want him.

I was talking to RW and LV this afternoon. They had some good advice for me (I knew they would). Since I was able to have a decent conversation with JJ Monday, when he was at work, RW suggested only calling JJ when he is at work, so SHE doesn't have to know about it.

Now why didn't I think of that!?

Sometimes we just need a second brain to look at a problem.

Irritated

That's an understatement.

At 2am, JJ phoned me. I'm glad I was already awake... I woke up with a tickle in my throat, and it had just gone away when the phone rang. The shock of a loud noise like the phone waking me from a deep sleep makes me nauseous.

Since it was 2am, I didn't answer it. I couldn't hear the message from my bedroom, so I got up and played the message. I thought it was JJ, but wasn't positive. I needed to know.

Well, he called me at 2am to tell me not to leave him a message every 12 hours about the same thing. "If I don't return your phone call, that means I didn't do it."

I spoke to him Thursday evening. I asked him if he had time to go to the courthouse on Friday to check on our divorce papers. I had already confirmed that they had been processed... I needed to know if the judge signed the divorce order, or if I needed to submit further information. Naturally, I phoned him early Friday evening to ask if he had managed to get it done. I didn't hear from him, so I phoned him late Saturday morning and left a second, nearly identical, message. He left a message with IJ early Saturday afternoon: "Mom, dad said the answer to your question is 'no'".

So why is he calling me at 2am? My first thought was that SHE put him up to it. I called him right back, and got his voice mail. I left him a short, angry message: "Are you drunk or just stupid? Don't you ever call me at 2am again."

Then I prayed for reasonableness.

Just because he is acting childish doesn't make it right for me to do the same.

That was when the next phone call came, at 2:30.

It was HER. SHE asked if I had learned my lesson about leaving so many messages for JJ. I told HER that if SHE wasn't calling about my kids, SHE had no business calling me, and I hung up.

So there I am, lying in bed, my heart pounding, nasty things running through my head, visibly irritated. I couldn't sleep... I had to vent. Unfortunately, I have no one I can phone at 3am. I decided to make a cup of tea and a blog post.

I kept telling myself: "Be reasonable. Be reasonable." After all, that is what I prayed for. Calling HER house every half hour is not reasonable. Calling JJs cell phone just to fill up his mailbox is not reasonable. Driving to the office and setting the fax machine to HER phone number is not reasonable.

I just wanted a nice, relaxing cup of tea. Too bad I threw away all of my tea when the rats were in that cupboard.

I made a hot lemonaid with strawberry honey instead. I can feel the warmth of it spreading through my body now. I should be able to sleep soon.

HER behaviour worries me. JMJ wants to go live with his dad. What kind of behaviour is he going to learn from HER? Even with just weekend visits once or twice a month, my kids are going to be exposed to HER. And there isn't even anything I can say to the kids about it. SHE is a part of their dad's life... I can't prevent them from being exposed to HER.

I'm going to have to talk to JJ about it. HER actions have the potential to endanger my children. I could block HER phone number, but if my kids are at HER house and need to call me, I wouldn't get the message. I can't turn my phone off at night... 2am phone calls are usually emergencies, and I don't want to miss an important call. A restraining order seems drastic.

I am just going to have to impress upon JJ the importance of civility -- and hope that he tells HER to mind HER own business. I can't tell him how to handle HER. SHE is his new lover -- he still thinks SHE can do no wrong. Perhaps I should simply refuse to acknowledge HER. Not mention HER at all when I talk to JJ about this. Lay all of HER words on his shoulders.

I'm still visibly irritated. Maybe I won't be able to sleep tonight after all. I just won't mention that to JJ.

I'm going to go read for a while now. Perhaps I will fall asleep.

Rodent Update

The official word on the mice is : They Are Not Mice. They are Rats.

That is why the mouse traps did not catch anything.

That is likely why my mouse traps are Missing In Action.

The new cat killed a large rat shortly after we left on vacation. How do I know it was shortly after we left? The maggots told me. They were getting hungry. Wasn't much left of that rat.

The cat killed another, smaller, rat shortly before we got home. How do I know it was shortly before we arrived? The blood was still wet, and the body was not yet stiff.

And the smell! Oh, it was awful!

I set up the tent in the yard so I could empty the utility trailer into it. Then, I lined the utility trailer with some heavy plastic, and started throwing things out. Anything that was touched by rat poop or maggots.

The living room was cleared right out, and I rented a carpet cleaner on Monday. On Mondays, I get to keep it for 48 hours for the price of 24 hours.

I cleaned the carpet, then I cleaned the carpet, then I used a strong bleach solution in the carpet cleaner and bleached the life out of the carpet.

Then I did it all over again the next day.

I've had the fan running, all the windows open, and the heat turned on trying to dry out the carpet. It still smells in here... I'm hoping total dryness will make the rest of the odour go away.

I checked on the areas I used the spray foam. The rats chewed right through it! Someone suggested using steel wool to stuff the holes. I did that as soon as we got home. It is still in place.

End Of The Roll is opening just down the road soon, so I want to wait to buy new flooring from them. I've wanted to remove the carpet since I moved in here, anyway. This smell is giving me good reason to stop putting it off.

I received my Ratzapper right before leaving on vacation. The instructions said rats are very intelligent, so to put bait into the trap with no batteries until the rats had taken the bait. As soon as one rat successfully takes food out of the trap, other rats will follow, no matter what happens to his buddies after that. They hadn't taken the bait yet when I left, but it was all gone when I got home. I have batteries and bait in the zapper now, but have not caught anything yet.

FdM asked me if any of my neighbours was doing a major rennovation or yard work. The answer is "yes". I now have 2 neighbours engaged in major rennovations. One of them is also doing some serious landscaping. That is why I all-of-a-sudden have rats. Their homes have been disturbed.

Now, they have been disturbed in my home, too. I eliminated their food supply, I set out scary mouse traps, and I have a dangerous cat.

I'm still not sure they are gone.

But it shouldn't be long now.

BC Supreme Court

When we filed our divorce papers, I was told it was currently taking 6 to 8 weeks to process from the date of submission. I was given a phone number that has an automated message telling me what submission date is currently being processed.

I called that number a few minutes ago. They are currently processing Aug 3.

That is six days ago! Less than a week!

I should have called them before I went of vacation. Even today is only a month since our submission date. I certainly did not expect to hear the voice tell me I have already been processed!

I just called JJ (as I write this). He is going to stop by the courthouse tomorow and see if our application was accepted, or if we need to submit further information.

I just might be divorced before summer is over.

Summer

Wow! It's been a month since my last post!

I took the kids on a road trip. We had a great time! Camping in Banff and Jasper, visited my parents.

I never got to do stuff like that when I was married to JJ.

He always insisted we couldn't afford it. It wasn't the kind of vacation HE wanted, so we didn't go anywhere.

For the record, I am still married to JJ. The papers have been filed, and I am just waiting for the judge to look at them and say either "yes" or "no".

It has been a good summer so far:

• Bought a utility trailer
• Went camping
• Painted my bedroom
• Cat killed a couple of rats
• Met my new neighbours
• JMJ has gone salmon fishing with my parents
• IJ has a job helping the new neighbour with landscaping
• FdM missed me when I was away
• I visited my favourite bakery and bought a dozen Birkenstam

Yes, it has been a very good summer.

And half the summer is still to come!