Playing With Phone Solicitors

The phone rang last night. I answered it. A male voice I did not recognize politely asked for Mrs. J.

I said "there's no one here by that name."

He said "oh."

He didn't have anything else to say, so I hung up.

Then I started to laugh. I laughed hard! It made my tummy ache, I laughed so hard!

I needed a good laugh.

It was a very satisfying experience. I stopped a phone solicitor, and I didn't even have to lie to do it.

I am no longer Mrs. J.

I am Ms. H.



That was fun.

What Is It Like To Be Drunk?

I have never analyzed what it feels like to be drunk before.

So, here it goes.

I have had 2 ciders, followed by 2 glasses of Apfel Korn (I think I had 2).

I am typing slowly. I am rocking back and forth, or side to side, as the mood takes me. I guess, in general, my head is swimming. It only took the two ciders to reach that point.

I can't walk a straight line... I touch anything solid I see as I walk past it to ensure my stability (physical, not mental).

My tongue is numb. My chin and cheeks also. Other parts of my body seem to have the same sensitivity to touch as normal (arms, hands, legs, feet). It takes a moment for my eyes to focus on the screen if I look away for a moment.

I make more typos.

I am more indecisive. I have backspaced over sentences, only to type the exact same thing again.

I have my wits about me enough to know I absolutely cannot drive... and I believe that if I have one more drink, I will be puking soon afterwards.

My nose is also numb.

Strange, the order that I notice these things.

My priorites seem to be different. I am planning to go to bed soon, without brushing my teeth.

Right now, I am thinking about having a glass of water... I remember Grandma telling me once that she never got hangovers... because she always drank a glass of water before bed. A cousin also told me once that if he woke up with a headache, he would drink a full glass of water, and go back to bed for a half hour to prevent a hang over.

My tummy isn't entirely pleased with me at the moment. I don't know if a glass of water will settle it, or make me puke. I guess if I puke, it is something I need to do.

I usually trust that my body knows what is best for me. I fulfill it's cravings, and honour it's aversions.

A glass of water is an aversion at the moment.

I think I will have one anyway.

Or, at least I will brush my teeth and drink as much water as I can tolerate. The mint in the toothpaste makes me thirsty. Maybe that will help.

If it doesn't, I guess I will be taking some tylenol in the morning.

Movies

Different movies mean different things to me. The movie I am watching can be an indication of my mood. This is a list of movies, with their corresponding moods:


War Of The Roses
I first saw this movie with JJ early in our marriage. We laughed all the way through the movie. Afterwards, we both figured that was how we were going to end up one day.

I watch this movie when I am depressed about my relationship. I rented it during unhappy times in my marriage, and I purchased a copy a couple of months ago when the video store was selling off their VHS tapes. I now watch it when JJ is being a jerk. I have also watched it when I was unhappy with FdM.

Every time I watch it, I am amazed by the behaviour of the Roses. How do two people reach that point where they are actually trying to kill each other?

The movie is comforting in a morbid way: someone else is more unhappy than I am.

(FYI) I am watching this movie while I blog tonight.

Shrek / Shrek 2
I love alternate fairy tales. These two were brilliantly done! (Shrek the Third was disappointing)

Sometimes I watch these movies when I want to listen to music. Other times I watch them because I am lonely.

Shrek is lonely. Fiona feels very much alone when she is not true to her feelings. In the end, they are together.

It gives me hope for the future.


The First Wives Club
Three friends getting revenge on their husbands -- all of whom left them for younger women.

I watch this movie when I am thinking about JJ and want to cheer up. It has a happy ending -- and not just for the wives. One of the husbands has a happy ending, too.

I am not a revenge-seeking person. I would never plot, pursue or procure revenge. I do enjoy watching these women pull it off.

In the end, one of the husbands figures out that he made a huge mistake... and his wife takes him back. He was lucky that his wife still loved him and chose to forgive him.

This gives me hope -- hope that JJ will one day figure it out, too. It is too late for him... I will not forgive and take him back. I just want him to figure it out. I'm not looking for revenge... but I will be pleased to know he realized his loss.

I watch this movie when I am thinking about JJ and want to cheer up. It has a happy ending -- and not just for the wives. One of the husbands has a happy ending, too.

Knights Tale
The under-dog overcoming the odds to achieve his goals.

I am not necessarily in a particular mood when I watch this movie. I like the music. I like the story. If I'm in a bad mood, the love story lifts my spirits. If I'm in a good mood, I really connect with William's desire to be more than he is.

And I like to laugh.


Beauty And The Beast
I was touched by this story more than a decade before Disney got hold of it.

I have always been non-conventional. As a teenager, my friends would be mooning over some actor, going on about how cute he was. I couldn't see it. Generally, if others think a guy is particularly good-looking, I find him bland; ordinary. I am more interested in the unique.

I watch this movie (Disney version) when I am bored, or happy. I identify with Belle... the people around me notice that I am different, too. I like that her compassion and humility allow her to get to know the Beast and befriend him. I don't like shallow, narrow-minded people.

This story always makes me feel good.


The Little Mermaid
She gave up so much for the love of a man.

From the first time I saw the Disney version, I hated it. I saw a movie of this story more than a decade earlier, when I was about 8 years old.

This story had a strong effect on me. It is the ruler with which I measure all emotion.

It starts with the little mermaid rescuing the prince after his ship sinks. She falls in love, and sells her voice for a pair of legs. In the end, the prince marries someone else. One of the mermaids sisters sells her long hair to the sea witch for a dagger which she gives to the little mermaid. If she would kill the prince with it, she would become a mermaid again. She stands over the sleeping prince with the dagger in her hand, but she cannot kill him. Instead, she uses the dagger on herself. As she dies, she becomes a mermaid again.

I would cry every time I watched the movie. I would promise myself I would never watch it again. Then, when it was on TV again a few months later, I wouldn't be able to tear myself away from it.

The idea of a love so intense that she would give up so much captivated me. Not only did she give up a magical life as a mermaid to be with him, she took her own life rather than see him die (I never saw it as her committing suicide because she couldn't have him... I always saw it as her not wanting him to die).

If I'm watching Disney's version, then I am in a strange mood. I will watch the movie, then complain about how the story was changed. It lacks the emotional intensity of the original story. I am likely looking for an arguement. Not to be contrary, but to have a lively discussion.


Any Foreign Language Film
I like to rent foreign language movies when I am alone. The kids don't have the patience to read a movie. It is just as well... they usually aren't suitable for children.

I find these movies intellectually stimulating. I usually can't watch the whole thing in one sitting... it requires too much concentration.

What I like about these films is that they are not white-washed Hollywood fairy tales. They don't shy away from showing a little dirt. A body isn't naked to titilate the audience... it is naked because people are usually naked when in that particular situation.

The subject matter of the films is also different. One that stands out in my mind is a Polish film about security personel in the subway. Can you imagine Hollywood filming an entire movie in the subway?

Use of languages also stands out for me. Many European films freely integrate different languages. It is not uncommon to find two or three different languages spoken in a single film. The more I study languages, the more I appreciate this feature. It is a wonderful experience to realize that I suddenly understand the dialogue... even when it is not in English. It encourages me to continue to learn more... and to rent more foreign langage movies.

When I'm watching foreign films, I'm looking for a unique experience. I'm opening up to the varied possibilities in the world. My mind is fully engaged -- both to keep up with reading the dialogue, and to take in and appreciate how it differs from the pablum that Hollywood feeds me.


Star Trek: Voyager Episodes
I have a dozen tapes of Voyager episodes I recorded. Yes, I am a Trekkie. I enjoy Star Trek in all of its forms.

Sometimes I'm watching Voyager because I want to escape to a different time and place. Nothing odd there... isn't that why people watch TV in general?

FdM likes Voyager. It is one of the first things we did together: watch my Voyager tapes. Now, when I am lonely, Voyager is one of the things I like to watch.

If I am watching an episode I have seen with FdM, it reminds me of when we watched it together. If I am watching and episode he has not seen yet, I think about how much he will enjoy it when he does see it.

So, when I watch Star Trek: Voyager, I am with FdM; whether he is here or not.


Teddy Ruxpin
This is a wonderful adventure series. It is non-violent and still manages to be exciting.

I enjoy watching this cartoon with my kids. It is an extended adventure... each series of events is a part of the whole, larger story. The show proves that it is possible to be interesting and exciting without an adult rating.

I sometimes watch this show without my kids. I am attracted to the friendship enjoyed by Teddy and his friends. They are extremely loyal to each other -- which is an attribute I value highly. It is all so simple for them: Help your friends, and tolerate your enemies. It is nice to have things laid out that simply from time to time.

I am usually in a pretty neutral mood when I am the one to put Teddy Ruxpin in the VCR. The simplicity of the Good VS Evil scenario keeps me in a good mood.


Star Wars The original trilogy
I am nostalgic when I watch these movies.

I was 10 years old when I saw Star Wars for the first time in 1977. I grew up anticipating the next episode.

As I watch the movies, it invokes memories of the first time I saw each of them, memories of the speculation surrounding the "teasers" we read in magazines (Han Solo decorates Jabba's palace -- how many ways can we interpret those words?). We used to write our own radio plays about possible sequels and record them.

When I am watching these three movies, I am longing for a simpler time, when my biggest responsibility was getting the potatoes peeled before dad got home from work.

Nostalgia; I had a great childhood. I had some great friends. It is something worth remembering.


21 Jump Street
A TV teen crime drama.

I don't usually go for drama. I am more of an adventure/comedy personality.

I didn't like the show when it was being filmed. I didn't get into it until it was in reruns a few years later. I now own the entire series on DVD.

I have some favourite episodes, and a list of episodes I would rather skip.

When I am depressed about JJ, I like to watch Johnny Depp. He is one of the (very) few "cute" actors that I think is attractive. I will watch any Johnny Depp show when I am depressed about JJ.

It wasn't until I owned the whole series that I realized how good-looking Peter DeLouise was. Not someone my friends would have swooned over, but I find him attractive -- I just had to get to know his character first.

Now that I have the whole series, I find that Peter DeLouise is much more "real" than Johnny Depp. Johnny Depp has the physical beauty, but Peter DeLouise relies more on his personality, and that is a much better measure of his "attractiveness" than how he looks.


Black and White Movies
I have always enjoyed watching old movies. The old black and whites. Even some silent films.

When it comes to Silent Films, it is an intellectual thing. I am interested in the history of entertainment. So, in addition to being entertained, I want to know what people found "entertaining" a century ago. One of my favourites is Metropolis.

Again, it is a simpler time. Most B&W films are older, from a time when people did not feel the need to lock their doors. They did not feel the need to use violence to catch the attention of the audience.

When I am watching B&W movies, I am looking for wholesome entertainment and insight into the values of the past. Or, I want a good laugh (have you ever watched a B&W Sci Fi film?). I guess the biggest draw of the old B&W films is entertainment. Non-violent, simple entertainment that gives me something to think about (the simplicity of times gone by).


I am likely to add titles or genres to this post in the future. If so, it will appear below this paragraph. For now, this will do. I guess it boils down to: I watch shows to be entertained; or to have my mood lifted or reinforced.

Mother In Law

MIL does not speak to me anymore. She has not spoken to me at all since I brought JMJ home form her house last Spring.

JJ tells me MIL does not like me blackmailing her.

It appears that she chose to take something I said out of context and twist it around so I am the bad guy.

Too bad.

For her.

Every time I am out and about, I keep an eye open for her. I have been waiting to bump in to her on the street, or at the mall.

It finally happened last week.

IJ and I were about to leave Sechelt when I spotted MIL and NH walking down the street. IJ wanted to say "hi", so I parked the car and we went over to see them.

IJ and NH had a nice chat, and MIL did not say much... out of character for her.

It was nice.

Everyone was pleasant. IJ and NH made plans to go out for lunch the next day.

When NH picked IJ up for lunch, IJ asked him to fix a toy for him. NH took the toy home with him, and a couple of days later, dropped it off at the office when I was working. We exchanged a few friendly words, and he left.

I looked out the window while we were talking, and I saw MIL in the parking lot... pacing.

She really does not want to talk to me! She was irritated just being nearby... and she was at the far side of the parking lot - thinking that I did not know she was there!

It does not bother me that she will not talk to me. It is actually somewhat of a relief. I think it is funny! She once told me that she was intimidated by her mother-in-law... I am not, so she has a problem with me. It is hilarious!

As long as it does not affect the kids.

I have mentioned to 3 or 4 people that MIL is not talking to me anymore. I am careful to not say anything around the kids. I seem to have reasonable contact with NH, so I can still make sure they are not isolated from their grandmother.

I just do not have to talk to her!

JJ Is Unhappy

When I picked JMJ up at the ferry this weekend, he was telling me about his dad and HER.

One of the things JJ told me he likes about HER is that SHE is willing to relocate to be with him. I was always resistant to the idea of moving.

It turns out, SHE has only moved once in HER life... out of HER mother's house and into HER own house when SHE got married. SHE has been in that same house ever since.

JMJ was telling me that SHE is going out drinking alot right now, having second thoughts about moving. JMJ was telling me that his dad is sometimes happy with HER, and sometimes very unhappy with HER. JMJ was telling me that his dad is having second thoughts about marrying HER.

I have known all along that JJ does not love HER. I thought he was not going to figure that out until after 3 or 4 years of marriage. He has already given HER an engagement ring, so his life may still play out that way. On the other hand, if he is having second thoughts now, maybe he will figure it out before he takes that step.

I was watching "The First Wive's Club" a couple of nights ago. Near the end of the movie, Morty's girlfriend says to him "I'm not Brenda, you know". Morty says "No. You're not." He managed to figure it out... before it was too late. His wife still loved him, and she took him back.

For JJ, it is already too late. It has been for some time now. Sooner or later he is going to realize that what he really wants is me. And he is going to find out that it is too late. He probably knows now that it is too late. Maybe that is why he is so unhappy right now... SHE is not working out, and he knows it is too late to get me back.

It makes me a little bit sad. I do not want to see him suffer. Right now, I would like nothing better than for things to work out between JJ and HER, and for the three of us to communicate and do what is best for the kids. The problem is, SHE is not the kind of person who would ever do that. That is why JJ is having second thoughts... SHE is the wrong kind of person.

Part of me is sad that he is unhappy.

Part of me is pleased.

I do not hate JJ. I never have. Through all the pain, suffering and heartache he has caused, I have never felt hate towards him.

There is still a tiny part of me that still wants to be with him. There is a tiny seed that I keep away from the light, and that I do not water. It looks like something good to grow, but looks are deceiving. If I were to plant this seed, to make it blossom and come to fruit, it would turn out to be poisonous.

JJ has a very strict moral code he lives by. It does not allow him to have a relationship with two women at the same time. So, when he met a woman he liked, he promptly left his wife. His conscience is satisfied.

Loyalty is the single most important characteristic any friend can possess. JJ has shown himself to lack that trait. I will never be able to trust him again. With no loyalty, and no trust, there will never be any respect. Without these three things, there can be no meaningful relationship.

Cats!

I am still trying to get my cat to use the cat door I installed. He is using it consistently now to get into the house, but has yet to use it to go outside. He asks out the door when I am awake, and when I am sleeping, he licks my face with his rasp of a tongue until I get up and throw him out.

I was telling FdM about it last night, and he theorized that the cat thinks I am really stupid for having a door that he can only use to come in. He is waiting for me to put in another door so he can get out, too.

I came up with an idea: Put his food outside on the perch. Then he will have to use the door to get out.

This morning, I did just that.

As the cat watched, I filled his food dish, reached out through the cat door, and set it down outside.

What did the cat do?

He sat at the window, looking at his food, and meowed! Several times, he pawed at the window -- right beside the cat door! Once he looked at his food through the cat door (it is clear plastic), and I thought he was going to figure it out... but he didn't. He went back to pawing at the window and meowing.

I pushed the cat door open, and held it for him, hoping he would go through. He approached the cat door, and actually stuck his head outside. He lifted his right forepaw, and was about to step through the door, when he changed his mind and came back in.

Then he started meowing again.

So I left him.

When I was ready to go out for the day, I brought his food inside. I was expecting rain, and didn't want his food out in the weather. I put the cat outside, and off I went.

When I returned home, the cat was inside.

It's nice to know the door works in at least one direction.

PMS Time Again?

I left a message for JJ to confirm that JMJ would be on lthe 6:30 ferry tonight. Once his phone was ringing, I realized that I had not checked if it was running late or not. It would have been rude to hang up, so I left a message saying he would be on the 6:30 ferry, and that I would call back if it was running late.

Well, it was running 10 minutes late. So I called him back to let him know.

That makes 2 phone calls to JJ this weekend.

Did I do anything wrong?

Apparently, I did.

The kids and I went out for chinese food, then came home to get JMJs stuff before going to the ferry. JJ had left me a message, in a rather annoyed tone of voice, to not call him until JMJ is actually on the ferry.

I have a problem with that. We have only been doing this for a month. I am not ready to blindly put a child on the ferry... I want to confirm that we are on the same page, and that he will be there. After all, if he is at his place, and not HER place, he is more than an hour from the ferry... and it is only a 40 minute crossing.

When IJ and I got back home, I called JJ and got his message system. I left a simple message: "JMJ is on the ferry", then I hung up.

JJ called me a few minutes later.

SHE gets upset when SHE hears my voice. I told him that is his problem and not to make it mine.

He asked me to not sound so friendly on the phone. It makes HER think that I still want him. I told him that he is the one that wants me... I do not want him.

I'm not sure he heard that first part.

As I recall, a couple of months ago, SHE was on his case because SHE thought I spoke to him in a rude, disrespectful manner. SHE just can't make up HER mind!

I told JJ that I did nothing wrong, and that he should tell HER to keep HER PMS to HERself.

He didn't comment on the PMS statement.

I've been marking it on my calendar... July, August and October, about the second week of the month, I have had these difficulties with them. I don't know how I got so lucky as to miss it in September, but October came right on schedule.

July: SHE was jealous that we communicate. HER jealousy manifested itself as pushing him to chew me out for telling JJ what was going on in the kids' lives.

August: SHE told JJ that I was trying to control him. It manifested as JJ being completely uncooperative, and doing the opposite of anything that came out of my mouth.

October: SHE thinks I still want JJ. SHE is trying to break down our lines of communication because of HER own insecurities.

So far, this month has been much easier on me than previous months. But the week isn't over yet. It is likely that JJ will tell HER what I said. SHE may make a 2am phone call to me. In which case, I will be hiring a lawyer and taking action against HER.

I hope SHE doesn't make me go to that extreme.

But I won't back down if SHE does.

Mom With Power Tools Meets With Failure

The bathroom door has been broken for a couple of weeks now. It is a minor thing... the little metal thingy came off of the doorframe, and now the door will not latch.

Mom With Power Tools found everything she needed to fix the door already in the house.

Mom is a Packrat.

It is just a simple matter of sinking two screws.

Or so she thought....

The new piece has its screw holes in different positions than the old piece, which is a good thing. The installation will be more solid.

First, drill guide holes. Second, attach screwdriver tip to drill and sink the screw.

Oops -- too much torque.

The screwdriver tip slipped, and the edges rounded themselves off in the screw.

Now Mom With Power Tools has no screw driver, and one screw drilled half-way into the doorframe.

Now the door definitely will not close.

Solution: use pliers to grasp the screw, and undo what has been done.

The door still will not close, but there is no screw sticking half-way out of the wall to threaten the family.

Mom With Power Tools bides her time, until the door is off-guard, to try again another day.

Burned Out

That is what the rats have done to me. I just can't clean anymore!

My house is a total disaster... not the minor disaster it usually is. I can't stand being here! I'm already planning how to spend my day at the office tomorow so I don't have to look at my home.

Note: I teach tax school tomorow morning, then I'm free for the rest of the day.

Half of the cupboards in the kitchen are still waiting to be sanitized. That means half of my kitchen stuff is sitting in the living room. I dropped a piece of paper I was reading tonight... it landed on the far side of the table. Now I can't get it back... there is too much stuff in my way!

The rats are gone... but their legacy remains.

And I hate their remains.