How "Over" Can Over Be?

JJ stopped by the office on Friday. He dropped off the child support cheque and the signed separation agreement. He gave me my house key back. He asked me to give him his.

He said goodbye, and turned to leave. I felt an almost overwhelming urge to give him a kiss, but I didn't. Not now. We're over. He left the office.

I felt an emptiness inside. He's gone.

Since I was at work, it didn't last long. Soon, the hustle and bustle of a busy tax office filled the empty space inside me.

When I got home, my sister told me JJ stopped by. They talked for about a half hour. JJ looked at the new counter-top dishwasher I bought recently and criticized it. It only holds 4 place settings. It takes up counter space. He thought it should be on the other side of the sink. He thought it would be better if it faced the sink instead of facing the stove. He thought a lot of things.

When I was telling FdM about it, I made the observation that my sister is able to interpret JJ's actions, while I react to them. She interpreted his statements about the dishwasher as a control issue. If he had said those things to me, I would not have analyzed his words... I would have defended my choices. I guess that is why we are such a poor match -- he wants control, and I have a brain.

FdM made an interesting observation about me. He said I can be really anal about how things get done, but at the same time I am very flexible.

When FdM was working for me two years ago, he politely suggested an alternate way to perform one of the office tasks. I heard him out, then explained why we do that task the way I asked him to. With 8 years' experience at that time, I had tried a couple of different methods. What I asked him to do was what worked best for me.

Last summer, VN adapted some procedures she was taught when she worked in an accountants office many years ago. She showed me what she was doing, and I helped her set it up to accomodate our clients' needs. She had a great idea. It will keep us from re-inventing the wheel for each new client.

That is one thing I love about new employees: The new ideas they bring with them.

But JJ doesn't give me any input. He just comes along and tells me how things should be done. That puts me on the defensive, the result of which is that I reject everything he says.

JJ tells me I'm his best friend. Then he treats me like a peon. I tell my employees their job is to make my life easier. Then I treat them like family.

What is Your Passion?

That is what FdM asked me.

I am an art school graduate. I majored in photography, but don't feel bound to that medium. The creative process is the same no matter the media.

Right now, I have little time for creative pursuits. I am a single mom, and I manage an income tax office. I like taking my kids on road trips in the summer. I enjoy volunteering at school events and driving for field trips. I love taking my dogs to the beach for a good run. I read alot -- fantasy, science fiction, science, history, biography, the bible.

I do alot of diverse things.

FdM wanted to know why I don't do more art. What's holding me back? What's my passion?

I was thinking about it a couple of days after he asked. I was annoyed. Why would he ask that question so persistently? I enjoy alot of things. Why do I need to have one passion? Why do I need to create artwork just because I went to art school? Why can't he accept education for educations' sake?

That's when it hit me. My passion is Knowledge. Formal education gave me Knowledge. Reading books gives me Knowledge. Experiencing new things gives me Knowledge. Observing the world gives me Knowledge. Talking to people gives me Knowledge.

That is the one thing I can never have too much of. That is the purpose of everything I do.

That is my passion.

Knowledge.

Sucking Up

I finally went away for the weekend. JJ stayed at my place with the kids and the dogs, and I went to visit SP and his family. I hadn't seen him in over 6 years. I hadn't seen his wife in 7 or 8 years. We had a nice visit. It was nice to just go away for a couple of days and have no demands on my time for a short while.

When I got home, JJ was still there. I got back on the last ferry, so it was too late for him to go home.

JJ started telling me what he had done on the weekend. He cleaned my oven. He cleaned the stove-top and all of the dials. It sparkles now! I couldn't figure out why he would do that. In 18 years of marriage, he cleaned the oven only once. Now that we are separated, he does housework.

He asked me if I wanted to know what advice he was getting from friends now. I said "no". He said he was being advised to go back to his wife. It turns out that SHE is advising him to come back to me now.

Too bad.

I've been hurt deeply.

I told him the first time he left me that he could only come back once. I broke my own rule when he left me a second time. This is the third time. He told me he is not coming back. I am not going to play games with him anymore.

I'm through.

He knows that. So why is he sucking up to me? Does he really think I'm that much of a push-over? Not this time, buddy.

Never again.

I Had A Date

A week ago, I ran into a friend while the kids and I were looking for a place to eat before going out to a movie. I hadn't seen him in over a year. The kids and I had to go, so I told him to stop by the office sometime.

FdM stopped by the office Thursday. I was pretty busy training new employees, so I didn't have much time to talk to him. I did learn that his wife left him a few months ago.

Friday evening, I called him and asked him if he had time to meet for lunch on Saturday. He sounded pretty happy to hear from me. So, we met for lunch.

We were in the restaurant for 4 hours. We had alot to talk about. Including our break-ups.

FdM and I worked together two years ago. We got along great. We enjoyed working together, and making each other laugh during stressful times in the office. At the end of tax season, he moved on and I didn't see him for quite some time.

Over lunch today, we talked about how much fun it was to work together. We talked about what we like to do in our spare time and what we like to do for vacations. We discovered we have alot in common.

We are both still hurting from our break-ups, so we aren't going to start a romantic relationship right now. We are going to spend time together and get to know each other better.

I'm glad I invited him out for lunch.

Referee

VN took the day off work today. She called me at the office to tell me she ran into BH, who worked with us last year. I guess she told him what has been going on between JJ and I. She asked me to give her JJs phone number. I guess telling BH about it made her mad again. I refused to give her the number. She told me she has it written down somewhere at home, so I told her to look for it herself.

Next, I called JJ to warn him VN might be calling. That was all I knew. She didn't tell me what she wanted to say to JJ. JJ commented on how unstable my friends are. So I came back with "Just like your girlfriend".

I wasn't sure what he would say to that... after all, he said he was going to burn that bridge. I don't think he has, though. All he said was "Yeah...." Then I said goodbye and got off the phone.

JJ called me tonight. He didn't mention his girlfriend.