What Happens when you hand a keyboard over to someone who is Drinking?

Yeah, I'm drunk. I just felt like it. It is pretty rare... I went to the liquor store and got a 6 pack of cider... I don't know why, but the cider gives me that buzz pretty quickly. I'm only half way through my third, and I'm backspacing as much as I'm typing right now.

JJ said he plans to catch the first ferry Sat. morn. and will go back on the last ferry Sat. eve. He has a cold, and since his mother just got out of surgery, he doesn't want to risk giving it to her by staying there. And, just as he doesn't think I should stay at his place, he doesn't think he should stay at mine.

JJ has been at his new job 3 months now, and he wants me to help him decide what level of bennefits he wants. It's nice that he has some choices.... none of his previous jobs has given him a choice.

VN has been transferred to the Local hospital. She feels much better being out of the big city hospital and being closer to home. She should be discharged in the next couple of days. So, that gives me something to do while JJ is visiting the kids at my place. I can always spend my time at the hospital. She will be staying with me for a while once she is out. At least then I won't be totally alone... I'll have another adult I can talk to.

I haven't spent alot of time feeling alone... but I have since my last cry. I've had VN's dog here since she went into hospital... a 7 year old St Bernard named R. I love having her here. My dog, J, loves her being here. PC isn't impressed... but then, when is a cat impressed? The hardest part about having R. here is that when the kids say something to R., I think they are talking to me.

Cider #3 is done.

Wow, this is unusual. I opened a 4th cider. 3 is rare, 4 almost unheard of.

I must be depressed.

I bought season 5 of 21 Jump Street today. The kids thought it was a cool s how. So, when I went back to the store to get some Tylenol, I bought season 4. Mostly, I just wanted to see Johnny Depp. I've been spending an awful lot on videos since I cancelle cable. I guess that wasn't a very good idea.

And now I'm letting some typos get by... I must be ready to go to bed.

Mabye soon.

I'm still working on my family tree. VN often tells me about conversat9ons she has had with AP. She sa9d something recently that me beli9eve he is related to JJ. So, I printed a list of Ps from the family tree, which she showed to him, and sure e nough, he is relate.d. But since she jad jer accident, I haven't met AP yet. HOwever, he did phone me when he heard she was in hospital, to make sure I new about it.e I hope I can meet him soon. We don't even k now each other, and he is thinking of me as family. ONce VN is out o fhoospital, We wo;; have to go see him.

Wow. Lo ts of typos

And I don't even care.

It mst be time to get to bed.

I just don't feel like it.

I've found that if I go to bed too early, I wakeup very early... like 3am. And tha ti s if I go to bed at 10:30 instead of 11:00. Pretty weird. I go to sleep at 11:00, and I dont wake up until afeter 7:00. I go to bed at 10:30, and i wake up at e 3:00. I'm up pretty late tonight, so I'll probablyu be asleep whe n JJ gets heere arounds 8: 30 .

I let my alarm go off on weekends at the same time as weekedays . I'm truying to stay on a schedule. It makes life easier. I hink I'll turn it off tonight.

I'm sure glad I know how to tuype,... I shudder thio think what this would look like if I couldn'tl.


I need to get osme sleep. I just don't feel like ti.

Cioder #4 done.

Ju mp Street sill plalying on TB. R sleeping at my fee. t. J sleeping on the ocuch. My logical self saying I should just og to bed. Tjomking about going to bed. Thinking about opeingin an other cider.

Trying to talk byself ou tof it.

Well, that centence should do it.

NOt yet, though.

DVD just ended, so I hit Play again. I've alway s liked Johnny Deppl. Never realized how good looing Peter DeLouise was until now.

I wonder if I'll be embarrased by this post tomorow.

I'm typing awfully slow now.

Just opened cider #5. good thing they only com ein a 6 pack.

Typing slow. Walking slow. I've only don e this a half zoden dimtes in my life... when I was 19, when I first moved into this place, and nowl. Good thing ciders come only in 6 packs.

I'm babbling. Can't help myself. Forgive me.

Feel numbe... physically. Not sure metntally. That's why I make plans bedfore drinking. Can't think straight enough to be responsible. Can't believe how slow I'm typing. That's why , when I'm out drining, I decide ahead of time how I'm getting home. I always put cab fare in a separate pocket before going out. Then I would always have a safe way home.

here I ajm babbleing again.

VBut I'm safe.

Good night.

(not even half way throuth cider#5. Going to bed now. )

R

Anatomy of a Roller Coaster Ride

Day 1 He decides he is not happy and moves out.
Day 2 He asks me to go to marriage counselling.
Day 4 He won't return my phone calls.
Day 7 He says he wants to be friends.
Day 9 He gets jealous at the idea that I might remarry some day.
Day 10 He helps me get my sister's car fixed.
Day 12 He tells me he's been drinking alot since moving out.
Day 17 He lends me his car.
Day 18 He reads my email.
Day 22 He chastises me for having a few drinks one night since he moved out.

Yes, it really happened that fast -- no exaggeration. I wish I could say the rollercoaster has stopped, but it hasn't yet. And due to the nature of Roller Coasters, it is impossible to know when the ride is over. Every twist in the track has the potential to take you further from the end... or suddenly arrive at your destination. The ride only has to stop once, but just when it looks as if it is over, it will take a sudden turn, taking you into yet another series of gut-wrenching ups and downs.

Some Samples of the Stupid Stuff that Recently Transpired:

Illustration 1
"Honey, if I think you won't fit in, should I just leave you at home?"

Illustration 2
"You're not going to wear THAT, are you?"

Illustration 3
"A new recipe? Why can't you just make normal food?"

Illustration 4
"That's not the way my mother does it."

Illustration 5
"You should become an accountant. Then you'd make lots of money."

Illustration 6
"Don't spend too much money on clothes for the kids." "Why are the kids always wearing rags?"

Illustration 7
"It's 8:00 on a Friday night... why is our 13 year old still up?"

Illustration 8
"I don't want to talk to the kids... they're boring and aren't interested in what I do at work."

Illustration 9
"I don't have any vacation time left to spend with you and the kids. I used it all up on my trip to Santa Fe with my mother."

Illustration 10
"Your nephew has been dead for 5 months now. Aren't you over it yet?"