Alone

That triggered an emotional response.

Early today, VN said I seemed lonely. Later in the day, LH said I looked tired. I felt lethargic. I have been sleeping alot the last few days. Then today, I had no appetite.

That was the thing that told me what is wrong -- No Appetite.

I am depressed.

I enjoyed a good laugh over JJs latest escapades.

Then, I was alone.

I initially felt somewhat overwhelmed at work today. It seemed like every 10 minutes, another job fell onto my desk. I caught myself jumping from task to task, not really accomplishing anything. It was difficult, but I managed to make myself finish a task. Then I made myself finish another task. Before I knew it, everything was done.

Then, I was alone.

I wasted some time on the computer, and some more work came into the office. By the time I left work for the day, I had a days' work sitting on my desk again, with a promise to have it ready for next Tuesday.

Now, at home, IJ asleep, I am alone again.

The house is so quiet. I sit here at the computer, not really wanting to do anything, but not wanting to go to bed. In bed, the house is even more quiet. I am even more alone.

Once in bed, I try to read. Some nights I can't concentrate on the book, and I give up. The last few nights, I have been awake late reading. I have been unwilling to turn off the light. In the dark silence, I am so alone.

Then, I wake up. I wake up, and I do not want to move. The house is quiet and empty. Everything is so still. I don't want to face it. I don't want to be alone.

I want to be asleep.

When I am asleep, I am not alone. When I am asleep, I meet interesting people and do interesting things.

I am not alone.

For a little while.