How Does He Do This To Me?

Yesterday, JJ called me. He doesn't know what to do with JMJ. He is defiant, refusing to go to school, and just taking up space doing nothing. So, JJ wants him to come back home.

JMJ wants to come back home.

Of course, JJ couldn't tell me that without also telling me that I'm a bad parent and making me really, REALLY mad first.

PMS time again.

I just got off the phone with him. JJ told me he is depressed. He is having financial problems, and he just lost his biggest account today. This is at least partly due to the time he had to take off work to get JMJ settled into school.

I could hear it in his voice... he is stressed. More than he is willing to admit... and he already admitted it! So, I know it's bad.

JJ has always refused to believe that depression is a medical condition. It is unlikely he will look for help. Instead, he told me that he won't be able to take the kids every second weekend anymore. I guess he thinks that will make a difference to his financial situation. I don't see how.

So now he has me worried about him. How does he do it. When he is depressed, he stops trying. I've seen it happen before. He needs help... but it is unlikely he will listen to me. It is more likely that in 5 years, he will tell me I was right. That doesn't help him now.

On the positive side, I did not get mad when he said he didn't want the kids as often in the coming months. He calmly explained himself, and then presented it as a solution. I know it is no solution. I also know he is not in a mental state where he will listen to me.

I think the best thing for me to do for him is to write a brief email suggesting he discuss it with his doctor. If being depressed is affecting his work performance, and enjoyment of life, it needs to be discussed. If I can get him to visit his doctor, then it is the doctors' job to explain it to him.

I will sleep on it. I'll email him in the morning.