Alone (I've Said That Before)

My sister and niece were here on the weekend. They are gone now. The kids are at their dads'. FdM is away.

It's just me and my dog now.

I've been sick for the last week or so. I had no voice all weekend. I'm still a little hoarse, but since nobody is here, I have no need to speak.

I am alone.

I played Scrabble on FaceBook all day today. I've had enough of computers for a while now. But I have nothing else to do right now.

It is only 8:45, and I am considering going to bed. I didn't get up until 10:30 this morning. Short day.

After being alone for 29 hours, I am only feeling lonely now.

I spoke to my dad today... he answered the phone when I called to see if my sister made it there ok. DL called to check on me because she knows I've been ill. GU called... we need to get together sometime this week to discuss business. Alltogether, about 20 minutes of phone calls.

Now, I'm alone.

I don't want much... I just want someone to talk to. Someone to cuddle with. A warm body next to mine.

Now I'm getting weepy. I better increase my dose tomorow.

Doctors' orders.

The real reason I sleep is so time will pass more quickly. I don't want to be alone, so I sleep to avoid it.

There are worse things.

I don't know where I'm going with this. Nowhere, I guess.

I'm lonely.

That's all.

How Does He Do This To Me?

Yesterday, JJ called me. He doesn't know what to do with JMJ. He is defiant, refusing to go to school, and just taking up space doing nothing. So, JJ wants him to come back home.

JMJ wants to come back home.

Of course, JJ couldn't tell me that without also telling me that I'm a bad parent and making me really, REALLY mad first.

PMS time again.

I just got off the phone with him. JJ told me he is depressed. He is having financial problems, and he just lost his biggest account today. This is at least partly due to the time he had to take off work to get JMJ settled into school.

I could hear it in his voice... he is stressed. More than he is willing to admit... and he already admitted it! So, I know it's bad.

JJ has always refused to believe that depression is a medical condition. It is unlikely he will look for help. Instead, he told me that he won't be able to take the kids every second weekend anymore. I guess he thinks that will make a difference to his financial situation. I don't see how.

So now he has me worried about him. How does he do it. When he is depressed, he stops trying. I've seen it happen before. He needs help... but it is unlikely he will listen to me. It is more likely that in 5 years, he will tell me I was right. That doesn't help him now.

On the positive side, I did not get mad when he said he didn't want the kids as often in the coming months. He calmly explained himself, and then presented it as a solution. I know it is no solution. I also know he is not in a mental state where he will listen to me.

I think the best thing for me to do for him is to write a brief email suggesting he discuss it with his doctor. If being depressed is affecting his work performance, and enjoyment of life, it needs to be discussed. If I can get him to visit his doctor, then it is the doctors' job to explain it to him.

I will sleep on it. I'll email him in the morning.

Depression Update

I ran out of anti-depressants nearly two weeks ago. I called the pharmacy to get a refill, and was informed that I could not have any more until I saw my doctor.

It took a couple of days to get in to see my doctor. I told him I needed a refill. We discussed my recent history... I was taking only 100mg all summer, when he had prescribed 150mg. By the time I ran out, I was taking 150mg again. I told him I wanted to stay on 150mg for a while longer. So, he wrote me a prescription.

I took it to the pharmacy, and told them I would pick it up after work.

Then I forgot.

So, I went yet another day without them.

By the time I finally took a dose, I had been without them for 5 days.

That night, I woke up at 3:30 and couldn't get back to sleep. My tummy was upset and my ears were ringing.

The next night, I woke up around 4:00 and couldn't get back to sleep. My tummy was upset, I was light-headed and my ears were ringing.

The third night, I woke up around 4:00 and couldn't get back to sleep. My tummy was upset, I was light-headed, my ears were ringing and my heart was beating fast.

I stopped taking them.

I don't know why they were affecting me like that... I've been taking the same thing for a year and a half.

I called the doctor the next morning -- Friday. His earliest availablility was Wednesday. I did not want to see some other doctor, so I asked the receptionist if there was any way I could get in to see him. She told me to call 8:30 Monday morning... the doctors at the clinic have started saving some appointment times each day so their regular patients can get in to see them.

Works for me!

I called Monday morning, and saw him early Monday afternoon.

After telling him what was happening, he suggested flushing my system of the anti-depressants. I am off them for one week. I see him again on Monday to discuss what to do next. He does not want me going through the holidays without them.

It is Thursday today. I have been off them for nearly a week now. I slept quite well the last couple of days. I have not been weepy at all.

Of course, nothing out of the ordinary has happened. No arguements with JJ. No problems with the kids. I have spoken to FdM nearly every day the last two weeks.

I am feeling pretty good right now.

Grocery Store Update

Yesterday morning, I took my unwanted boneless, skinless drumsticks to the grocery store, went to the Customer Service counter, and said "I have a meat complaint".

I told the person there how I had purchased boneless, skinless chicken thighs, and found the drumstick meat wrapped up in the middle of it. I told her how I removed the unwanted portion of the meat and cooked the rest for supper.

She immediately apologised. She did not hesitate to refund me the full purchase price. Then she offered me a new package of boneless, skinless chicken thighs for free.

She went and talked to the butcher, who prepared a package for me (16 pieces!). He told her that someone had mis-identified the cut, thus the incorrect label.

Since I have never had this happen before, and I have been shopping at the same store for 7 years, I accepted the explanation.

And the free meat.

I have told a few people about this. That is why the store was so willing to give me a refund and make ammends. Word of mouth is a powerful means of advertizing. They would rather have me tell people how they made things right, than have me complaining about them.

That works for me. I would rather have them make things right with me than have something to complain about.

They did make ammends.

And then some.

Grocery Store Rant

The grocery store I shop at, I chose because I like the quality of their meats and produce. I have to keep an eye on their pricing... they like to raise the price of meats that are going on sale next week, so I think I'm getting a better deal than I really am. For that reason, I always have in mind maximum prices I am willing to pay for different cuts of meat.

What they did today, though, was outright lie!

I bought a family pack of boneless, skinless chicken thighs. What I found when I opened the package was boneless, skinless chicken legs. Each thigh was wrapped around the drumstick meat!

I hate drumsticks. They are nothing more than a mass of tendons with rubbery snot-balls attached to them.

Had the packages been labeled "boneless, skinless chicken legs", I would have bought something else.

Of course, I did not know that was what they had done until I was home, ready to make supper, and opened the package.

So, I cut the drumstick meat off each piece, and put it back in the package. I diced the thighs and threw them into my wok as planned -- half as much meat as I was expecting. I wanted lots of leftovers for the freezer.

Tomorow, I will be visiting my grocery store with the drumsticks in their wrongly-marked package.

It is not what I selected.

I do not want them.

And I am going to let them know it.