I Got Off My Butt And Did Something About It

After not hearing from FdM for 24 hours, I drove to his place. I was worried about him. I buzzed up to his apartment, and shortly after, I heard his voice on the intercom. I was so relieved!

I've been stressed about not hearing from him all day. It built up to the point where I had no appetite, and even felt sick to my stomach. The only other time I have ever felt stress to that point was when JJ left me.

FdM came out and we went to a nearby coffee shop. We sat and had tea together and talked for a couple hours. He kept trying to get me to order some food. I told him I was too stressed to eat. He said he would feel better if I ate something. I said "too bad... I can't eat right now."

I'm hungry now... I think I will eat soon.

FdM said "I'm sorry I upset you. You can yell at me tomorow." I told him I didn't need to yell at him. I was worried, not angry.

I need to talk to him about a few things. I didn't bring any of them up today, though. He was pretty tired when I saw him. I'll talk to him when he's more alert. I need to talk to him about itineraries, events and work.

To keep busy today, I did some of the dirty little jobs I've been putting off. I went after the mice.
I bought a can of expanding foam and filled in some of the holes the mice are using. The cupboards above the stove needed to be completely cleaned out... looks like the mice have been there for a while. I threw out all of the food in those cupboards. I just don't feel like consuming the sealed packages when so many opened packages have been decimated by the rodents. It ALL got thrown out.

Now I need to make a trip to the dump.

When I opened the cupboard, I saw a great big mouse climb up the pipe in the corner, and into the ceiling.

That hole has been filled now.

I filled the holes where the water pipes run through IJs bedroom from the bathroom to the kitchen. Now the mice can't use his room as a highway.

I opened up the wall to look at the hot water heater again... the hole in the floor next to it is huge! It extends under the bathtub so far that I can't see how far it goes. That is where they are getting into the house.

I don't know how I'm going to repair that.

I was thinking about the mice running around in the ceiling... and decided to check the furnace chimney. Good thing I did... there is a large space the mice can use to get in and out of the ceiling there. The furnace has no pilot light, so I can safely use the spray-foam to fill that hole. I'll have to do that tomorow. I used up all my foam today.

Hmm... the water heater also has a chimney. I better check that out tomorow, too.

Once I was done cleaning and foaming, I took off my rubber gloves and my disposable overalls and threw them in the trash. I washed up, then mopped all the floors with a bleach solution. I'm doing that frequently right now.

Then I went to FdMs place.

So, that was my day.

Now I'm ready for something to eat. Then maybe I'll do some sewing or painting for a little while.

I'm doing the outside of my bedroom door in an early-Mondrian style.

It's going to look so cool.

I'm Listening to Roy Orbison Tonight

I'm feeling very much alone.

The kids have been with their dad for a week now. I haven't seen FdM in nearly three weeks. We speak on the phone most days, but haven't been able to get together. One or the other of us is always busy.

FdM invited me out to a movie Tuesday. I couldn't make it... I go out Tuesday nights. So, he said Wednesday. Wednesday came along, and he ended up busy. So, he said Thursday. I couldn't... I have a regular Thursday night event. Friday, then. I drove DL into the city for an appointment Friday morning, and we were late getting back. I called FdM as soon as I was home, but it was too late for us to get together. He said Saturday. He had to work until 4:00. He called me at 4:30 to tell me he would be there until closing... 5:30. Now it is after 9:00 and I haven't seen or heard from him again.

I'm crushed.

I'm listening to Roy Orbison, just feeling sad. I don't want to feel anything else right now... this deep sadness is all I can handle.

I'm going to have a drink.

My eyes are leaking.

Great big drops of water keep rolling out of my eyes and down my cheeks. It makes my nose run.

I missed supper tonight. I was waiting to hear from FdM. I ate some strawberries while I made a Pavlova. I shelled some peas later and ate them. No actual meal, though.

I'm a little hungry, but I have no interest in food right now.

I'm too depressed.

I met JJ at the Court House when DL and I were in the city. We have completed our 1-year separation, so I prepared the next batch of paperwork for the divorce. We both needed to be there to sign papers this time. We were told it is currently taking 6 to 8 weeks to process them right now.

I have spent more time with JJ in the last two weeks than I have spent with FdM.

That really depresses me.

Every time I hear a vehicle outside, I feel a little glimmer of hope that it is FdM. That's a tough part about living in a trailer park... my neighbours are so close, I can't tell if a vehicle has parked in front of my place, or theirs. My dog can't tell the difference, either. He gets excited and starts barking, which gets my hopes up. Nobody walks up to my door. We are still alone.

On the positive side, JJ is looking awful. He is looking very old. He used to spend alot of time on his hair... now he doesn't have very much hair, and a bad haircut to go with it. His skin has a leathery look to it, and he looks tired. Overall, he just looks alot older. If I stood him next to his father, I think it would be tough for a stranger to figure out which one was the son.

I don't know what happened to FdM. Did he fall asleep after work? Was he in a car accident? Did he have a last-minute meeting with someone?

I hate not knowing.

I just heard some awfully loud noises in the kitchen. I put on the oven mitts and opened a cupboard door. I finally saw one of the rodents... it was a mouse. From the amount of noise it made, I was afraid it might be a rat. I'm glad it's a mouse. I hope my ratzapper comes soon.

I better not stay up all night stressing about FdM. I'll finish my glass of wine and go to bed. I'll read for a while and hopefully fall asleep.

I'm sure he will call in the morning.

The Prize For The World's Rudest Man Goes To....

A couple of things happened this week that JJ needed to know about. The first was the mice... the kids were distressed about the rodents, so I asked JJ if he could take them a day or two early. He said he would check his schedule and get back to me. A few hours later, he called and said he couldn't. I said ok.

End of story.

The second thing was JMJ... all week he avoided doing the chores I asked him to do. On Saturday, I told the kids I would take them to a movie if they got their chores done. I gave them each a list... about 2 hours worth of work. JMJ said "dad told me he would take me to that movie, so I won't go" and then didn't do his chores. I called JJ to tell him about it. This is a discipline problem... JMJ cannot be allowed to hold me hostage like that. Hid dad needed to know.

End of story.

Today, JJ called me first thing in the morning and bluntly told me that I have to stop bothering him with every little problem that comes up because he is no longer my husband.

This made me very angry. We are supposed to communicate matters affecting the kids. That is what I was doing. He actually ended up hanging up on me.

A couple of hours later, I called him again and told him he had been very rude to me and that he owed me an apology. He said he didn't think he did. Another argument. I asked him if he had a slut whispering in his ear. He said "no" and became defensive. I don't remember which one of us hung up that time.

Two hours later, he called me and apologised. It turns out that SHE is jealous. SHE doesn't like that we talk. I said to JJ "so I was right".

JJ still insists that he wants to be friends. Then he allows HER to push him around and be rude and uncompromising with me. I told him that if he wants to get along with me, he has to stop giving in to HER pressure.

He said he loves HER.

I doubt that very much. SHE is the Other Woman. There is only a 5% chance that their relationship will last beyond 5 years. He is one confused puppy... and he doesn't even know it.

When JJ called to apologise, I couldn't hear any background noise. He likely went out to his car to make the call in private. So the kids couldn't hear him, which is appropriate. And so SHE couldn't hear him, which would make his life difficult.

There are two things SHE has that I don't: SHE works full-time, and SHE owns a house.

And he called ME a gold-digger.