Stupid Stuff Transpires Annually

Here we are, in another year. And JJ is still doing Stupid Stuff.

To be fair, it happened last month... 41 hours after my sister dropped the kids off with him for the holidays.

41 hours! That's nearly 2 days. How did he manage to last that long?

JMJ was misbehaving. More than that... he beat up HER oldest son. He won't tell me why.

Now, SHE doesn't want JMJ in her house. I don't blame HER.

I told JMJ that if I had a boyfriend whose child beat him up, I wouldn't want that child in my home.

JJ is using it as an excuse to not have JMJ visit him anymore.

That is a problem.

JMJ is a challenge to parent. I really need that little bit of time off for myself. It is in the kids' best interest.

How do I tell JJ that?

JJ has his own place. He does not live with HER. That means there is no reason why he can't have both kids visit him. The don't have to go anywhere near HER place.

In fact, I see no reason why he can't have both kids even if he did live with HER. He could visit the kids at his mother's place. Or at his sister's place. It's only 2 weekends a month.

I'm going to have to consult with a lawyer on this one.

And soon.

How Does He Do This To Me?

Yesterday, JJ called me. He doesn't know what to do with JMJ. He is defiant, refusing to go to school, and just taking up space doing nothing. So, JJ wants him to come back home.

JMJ wants to come back home.

Of course, JJ couldn't tell me that without also telling me that I'm a bad parent and making me really, REALLY mad first.

PMS time again.

I just got off the phone with him. JJ told me he is depressed. He is having financial problems, and he just lost his biggest account today. This is at least partly due to the time he had to take off work to get JMJ settled into school.

I could hear it in his voice... he is stressed. More than he is willing to admit... and he already admitted it! So, I know it's bad.

JJ has always refused to believe that depression is a medical condition. It is unlikely he will look for help. Instead, he told me that he won't be able to take the kids every second weekend anymore. I guess he thinks that will make a difference to his financial situation. I don't see how.

So now he has me worried about him. How does he do it. When he is depressed, he stops trying. I've seen it happen before. He needs help... but it is unlikely he will listen to me. It is more likely that in 5 years, he will tell me I was right. That doesn't help him now.

On the positive side, I did not get mad when he said he didn't want the kids as often in the coming months. He calmly explained himself, and then presented it as a solution. I know it is no solution. I also know he is not in a mental state where he will listen to me.

I think the best thing for me to do for him is to write a brief email suggesting he discuss it with his doctor. If being depressed is affecting his work performance, and enjoyment of life, it needs to be discussed. If I can get him to visit his doctor, then it is the doctors' job to explain it to him.

I will sleep on it. I'll email him in the morning.

JJ and HER

JMJ was telling me about his dad again this weekend. He tells me that JJ and HER fight alot. They yell at each other alot. They aren't getting along very well.

JMJ didn't say what they were fighting about. Just that his dad said "pack your bags... we're leaving!"

This was just a week ago. That means JJ is keeping HER PMS to himself now.

After some more fighting, and some calmer conversation, they made up.

Wow! I don't know how much longer those two will be together. VN expects JJ to come crawling back to me any day now. I think he is too smart for that... he knows I won't take him back.

I would rather be alone for the rest of my life.

November 9, 2007

6:00am
The cat wakes me up, crying at the front door. Crying and crying and crying and crying.... Finally he stopped. Then I heard the kitty door swinging. Did he go out, or did he stick his head out and change his mind? I hear him jump onto the floor. Then he cries a couple more times. He stops. I decide I should go let him out so he doesn't pee in the bathtub.

In the living room, I call and call... no cat. I open the door and look outside. I call him. No cat. I go back to bed.

10 minutes later, I hear the cat jump onto his perch outside. I hear the kitty door swinging. I hear the cat jump onto the floor. Then he is on my bed, beside my pillow. He did go outside! He finally figured it out!

I lavish him with praise, telling him what a smart kitty he is.


7:15
Phone rings. I answer it. It is VN, calling to say happy birthday. I hang up.


7:30
Clock radio turns on. I listen to music for an hour then get up. Kept IJ home from school today. We spent some time on bible study together. DL joined us later.


11:30
IJ and I go to the mall to check out the craft fair. We smelled something really good. We went looking for it. Our noses lead us towards to grocery store. We went in to see if they had fresh cookies. The aroma was not coming from there. We exit. Slowly, we move through the mall... and find it!

Fresh, candied almonds!

We hit the jackpot! They were still too hot to eat. I bought some. Tasty.


12:45
We locate VN, and all go out to my car. We head home.


12:55
I am stopped on the road, signaling a left turn. Lots of traffic coming towards me. I check my rearview mirror -- a car is stopped a reasonable distance behind me. I look forwards again, but something catches my eye. I look in the mirror again... there is a truck coming up fast behind the car! No time to react... I tense up. I hear a sickening crash... followed by another crunch... tires screeching on the road... and my rear bumper is tapped.

Wow! Did we ever get lucky! All three of us had seatbelts with shoulder straps on. The car behind me saw the truck coming, and planted his foot on the break and set his handbreak. He got the worst of it. Initially, everyone was ok. By the time the police arrived, the driver behind me was feeling dizzy. They got him an ambulance.

My digital camera was in the car, so I took it out and took an overview picture followed by front and rear photos of each vehicle. I'll post some later.

The first thing the cop said was "Let me guess... someone was making a left turn,"

I put up my hand and said "that was me".

"... was hit from behind, and then another vehicle hit from behind."

"Close," I said. "The white car was hit from behind, and was pushed into me."

She started taking names, beginning with me. I gave her my licence, and I watched her write my birthdate in her notebook.

"I knew there was something I had to do today," I exclaimed. "My licence expires today!"

"Don't worry about it," she said.

She finished up with me and I got to go home.

Other stuff happened today... ran errands with DL, had a chiropractor visit, got a prescription from my GP for some skin cream, went to renew my licence... right after they locked the door! Ordered Chinese food, picked JMJ up at the ferry, arrived at the drug store minutes before they closed to fill out my prescription (the pharmacist was so nice... he turned his computers back on and filled it out right away).

I'm ready to sleep now.

What a day!

JJ Is Thinking About Moving To Alberta

When I suggested the same thing a year ago, so we could make a fresh start, away from the friends and co-workers who have heard all our negative stories about each other, he rejected the idea. He didn't want to give up his friends.

He didn't want to give up HER.

Now he's thinking about moving.

And I have to talk to him about it... I wrote it into our Separation Agreement. One of us wants to leave the province, so I have to talk to him about it.

IJ will be devastated. He wants to see his dad more, but wants to live with his mom. He misses his brother.

If JJ and JMJ move to another province, IJ will only see them a couple of times per year. And I will have one depressed ten-year-old on my hands.

To make matters worse, when JJ called me tonight to let me know what ferry they would be on, he said that he did not spend much time with IJ this weekend. He was sleeping or working all weekend.

So, IJ will be telling me all about that when he gets home.

For years, I was trying to make JJ see how much his kids want to spend time with him. I thought that once we were separated, he would have to spend time with them. Instead, he got himself a girlfriend, and SHE takes care of his kids.

He has learned nothing.

Miscellaneous Updates

VN is not staying with me any longer. She was only here for a week.

She was referred to a friend of a friend who had space for her and her St Bernard. She now gets free rent in exchange for housework and dog sitting.

Good deal.

---

It took JJ over a week to get JMJ into a school. I was talking to JMJ last night... he did not go to school yesterday. He was not feeling well.

I asked what his symptoms were. He said his ear is bothering him, and he has an upset stomach.

I recognize those symptoms.

The ear is unrelated to the stomache. His ear will bother him if there are allergens in his environment. He has a prescription nasal spray for that.

The upset stomach is stress.

He gets that most years at the beginning of school. He had a huge change this year... from a small class group and two or three teachers, into a high-school with 2000 students, and a class schedule to follow.

Hid dad likely has no idea about it. I know I told him about it each year. But he had no interest in being a parent. It was outside his realm of experience, so he paid it no mind.

Now, he is the parent.

He has alot to learn.

And he does not talk to me anymore.

He could learn from my experience. After all, he is a parent to my child. Who else could help him more?

I know he will not ask. I guess I should send him a brief email about it.

And try not to sound like I am telling him what to do.

---

The cat is still not using the kitty door. He does not like it.

At 5am today, I got up to let him out, and then discovered he had pooped where the litter box used to be. Other mornings, I have found a poop in the bathtub.

He is trying to be a clean cat. It is just tough for him right now, because I am as stubborn as he is.

---

I was catching up on laundry yesterday. After folding IJs clothes, I went to put them away. Usually, I tell him to put them away. This time, there was so much laundry, that I did not want to wait for him to come home from school, so I did it.

I started putting clean clothes into his drawers, and then I saw it: Rat Poop! In his drawer!

So I checked his other drawers.

They all had rat poop in them.

I took the drawers into the bathroom one at a time, and washed the contents. The bathtub is currently full of empty drawers. I need to sanitize them still. The clothes have all been sanitized.

The rat man came to check on the traps yesterday... they were all empty! So I now have only 1 trap inside the house... on top of the hot water tank, where they get into the house. There are 10 or so traps under the house. The idea is to catch them before they get inside.

The fact that no rats were trapped this time is a good thing. It means we got them! The rat man figures I had just one family of rats inside. I know the mother ate the poison I set out. We saw some dead babies, and the rat man caught a few half-grown rats (so did the cat).

The rat man will be back in a month to check traps again. If there are still no rats, he will come about every 6 weeks.

The trailer park management paid for the initial setup. I just have to pay the rat man for the follow-up visits, at $75/visit.

I plan to keep him.