Arrogant and the Center of Attention
That is what JJ said I am. He called me arrogant. I told him there is a difference between arrogance and intelligence.
Arrogance:
making claims or pretensions to superior importance or rights; overbearingly assuming; insolently proud; presumptuous, haughty, imperious, brazen.
Intelligence:
mentally acute; showing sound judgment and rationality; a natural quickness of understanding.
Arrogant does not sound like me. Sounds more like JJ, although I still wouldn't use that word to describe him. He is presumptuous, but overall arrogance is too strong a word to describe him. As for me, I am proud of my intelligence and abilities. That does not mean I elevate myself above others. So, no. I am not arrogant.
What about being the Center of Attention? JJ says I grab attention when in a group of people and try to stay at the center of the conversation. Sounds odd to me. I don't function well in groups. It's not shyness. I suffer from Selective Mutism. It's real -- look it up.
Selective Mutism is the physical inability to speak in certain social situations. The desire to speak is there, the ability is not. I have had to deal with this disorder most of my life. When I am in a group of 3 or more people, it is extremely difficult for me to say anything. The fewer people in the group that I am familiar with, the more likely I won't be able to speak. It is rare these days for me to not be able to speak at all, but it still takes an effort.
Under these conditions, how can it be possible for me to become the Center of Attention? Further, isn't the person speaking always the Center of Attention? Doesn't the group pay attention to whomever is speaking? Am I being criticized for speaking?
When I speak, I am not meek. I speak up. I speak to be heard. If no one can hear me, what's the point in speaking at all? I am not overbearing. I am not haughty. I speak with intelligence, understanding and humour. And I spend far more time listening than I spend talking. How can anyone say I just want to be the Center of Attention? Is JJ so insecure that he feels threatened when I speak? Is he so insecure, that if I spend 3 minutes relating an experience to his friends during a 1 hour conversation, he feels I have a need to be the Center of Attention?
His mother has said it, too. She even gave me a specific example: NH was building a bed for JMJ. He was showing it to us in his workshop. He has built two of them now, and has 3 more in the works. He is building them for all the grandchildren.
I have an appreciation for hand-crafted goods. My dad built a bedroom suite for himself and mom. So, I told NH about it. The result? NH and MIL thought I was being competitive! I was just sharing an experience. Isn't that what people do when they converse?
Now I'm afraid to say anything because they are going to take it the wrong way.
Guess what? I get criticized for that, too.
That is what JJ said I am. He called me arrogant. I told him there is a difference between arrogance and intelligence.
Arrogance:
making claims or pretensions to superior importance or rights; overbearingly assuming; insolently proud; presumptuous, haughty, imperious, brazen.
Intelligence:
mentally acute; showing sound judgment and rationality; a natural quickness of understanding.
Arrogant does not sound like me. Sounds more like JJ, although I still wouldn't use that word to describe him. He is presumptuous, but overall arrogance is too strong a word to describe him. As for me, I am proud of my intelligence and abilities. That does not mean I elevate myself above others. So, no. I am not arrogant.
What about being the Center of Attention? JJ says I grab attention when in a group of people and try to stay at the center of the conversation. Sounds odd to me. I don't function well in groups. It's not shyness. I suffer from Selective Mutism. It's real -- look it up.
Selective Mutism is the physical inability to speak in certain social situations. The desire to speak is there, the ability is not. I have had to deal with this disorder most of my life. When I am in a group of 3 or more people, it is extremely difficult for me to say anything. The fewer people in the group that I am familiar with, the more likely I won't be able to speak. It is rare these days for me to not be able to speak at all, but it still takes an effort.
Under these conditions, how can it be possible for me to become the Center of Attention? Further, isn't the person speaking always the Center of Attention? Doesn't the group pay attention to whomever is speaking? Am I being criticized for speaking?
When I speak, I am not meek. I speak up. I speak to be heard. If no one can hear me, what's the point in speaking at all? I am not overbearing. I am not haughty. I speak with intelligence, understanding and humour. And I spend far more time listening than I spend talking. How can anyone say I just want to be the Center of Attention? Is JJ so insecure that he feels threatened when I speak? Is he so insecure, that if I spend 3 minutes relating an experience to his friends during a 1 hour conversation, he feels I have a need to be the Center of Attention?
His mother has said it, too. She even gave me a specific example: NH was building a bed for JMJ. He was showing it to us in his workshop. He has built two of them now, and has 3 more in the works. He is building them for all the grandchildren.
I have an appreciation for hand-crafted goods. My dad built a bedroom suite for himself and mom. So, I told NH about it. The result? NH and MIL thought I was being competitive! I was just sharing an experience. Isn't that what people do when they converse?
Now I'm afraid to say anything because they are going to take it the wrong way.
Guess what? I get criticized for that, too.
posted by Tempeste at Monday, January 29, 2007
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