Where did the puppy come from?

JJ tells me that one of his co-workers has a puppy she can't take care of. She got it on impulse: Saw a sign that said "free puppies". She thought "I want a dog!" so she took home a very young puppy. She quickly realized she was unable to handle a puppy. So, JJ offers to watch it for a couple of days so she can think about if she wants to keep it or not. She decides not.

Now, IJ spends the weekend with his dad, and plays with the puppy the whole time. JJ asks me if I know anyone who wants a dog... I tell him to bring it over and I'll find it a home. Big mistake. Both kids fall in love with it, promising to look after it. I say ok, we'll keep the puppy. The cat is unimpressed.

Fast Forward a few weeks. I find out that the "co-worker" does not work with JJ. They did briefly work at the same place several years ago, but are currently working in different industries. The "co-worker" is a single mother. JJ has been spending alot of time with this "co-worker" over the last few months. This "co-worker" is under the impression that they are dating. Probably because they are.

This brings up some questions:

Why is JJ trying to work things out with me if he is seeing Her?

Why did he lie to me about it?

Why did he give me her puppy?

What do I do about the situation?

I do want JJ to come back to his family. But he isn't sure he can let go of the past and start fresh with me. He isn't sure he can do what it takes to keep our family together.

I have spoken to a number of people about JJ. CE supports whatever I want to do. KH tells me men are selfish creatures who don't think about the consequences of their actions. DR advises me to cut him loose. VN phoned JJ and chewed him out. DL just asks how things are going and listens.

And then... I throw a monkeywrench into the situation. JJ wants to be friends if we stay separated. I tell him that can't happen. Every time I see him, I just want to hug him and hold him tight. Every time he calls, my heart jumps for joy. When we have a good conversation as friends, it makes me think we still have a chance. After all, I married my friend. If we are not going to be together, I cannot do that. I cannot talk to him on the phone. I cannot even be at the house when he comes to pick up the kids. If we are not going to be together, I must be totally cut off from him. He doesn't want to lose me as a friend, so now he's afraid to tell me it's really over.

This is unusual for me. I seldom deal in absolutes. I rarely see anything as black and white... there are so many shades of grey, that some middle ground can be met. But in this case, I must see in black and white. All or nothing. He's with me 100%, or I never see him again.

That hurts, too.

The lesser of two evils. I never believed such a choice could really exist. I always thought people were being over-dramatic when using that phrase. But here it is, in my lap. It hurts to think of never seeing him again. It hurts to think of seeing him, but knowing he's not mine.

It hurts.