Trust -- Ever Hear Of It?

Women trust men. Or, at least I trusted JJ. But he doesn't seem to know what that means. It's far more than believing what he says is true. Far, far more.

It took me a whole year after he first asked me to marry him to say "yes". I wanted to be sure he was worthy of trust. I married him because I trusted that he would not leave me.

When we married, I changed my name. He acted like it was expected. He acted as if it was his right. He did not understand that it was a gift I made to him. Until a female friend of ours explained it to him. But that's another issue. It displayed a mountain of trust on my part to change my name. I had that name since I was born. It took me about three years to get used to the new name. I graduated from college with that name. More people know me by my married name than my maiden name now. I gave him a piece of myself when I took his name. Because I trusted that he would stay with me.

Five years later, I bore his child, because I trusted that he would not leave me to be a Single Mother. We discussed it before I got pregnant. Being the man, he had the power to destroy my life just by walking out the door... leaving me alone with a baby. I trusted that he would not do it. I reconfirmed that trust before becoming pregnant with our second child. More than anything else, I did not want to be a Single Mother.

So what happened? He left me. He left me alone, with two children, and a name I can't get rid of. Sure, I could change my name back. But my diploma still has his name on it. My children still have his name.

And changing my name won't give me my husband back.