What is He Doing To Me?

He keeps emailing me, trying to explain why he left... I know why he left. We've been talking about it for months! Today, he wrote that our issues are manageable! He has Never said that before. He has said for months that we are too different. He has said for months that we won't be able to work things out. Today, he says our issues are Manageable!

Manageable! He disagreed when I expressed that thought months ago. But then, he always disagrees with my thoughts. After all, I'm just his wife. There's no peer pressure to be considerate towards your own wife.

I resolved to not try this again. He made a decision to leave me. Twice now! If I try again, I'm just going to make myself sick. He is still the same person who left me. I am still the same person he left. I long to have him beside me. But my fear of being hurt again is stronger now. I can't let him worm his way back into my heart. He will just fill it full of holes and then move on.

When we started to seriously talk about reconcilliation in November, I asked him for one thing: to stop seeing HER. I told him, if we were to have any chance, he had to burn that bridge. I told him that as long as he had HER as a back-up plan, there was no chance for us. He said he would do it. He did not do it. He took HER to his sister's New Years' party. He arranged for HER to pick JMJ up from the ferry one recent Friday afternoon. That looks like fortifying a bridge to me.

I told him yesterday that I have been hard on him the last couple of weeks because of HER. Because he didn't burn that bridge. Because of HER, I was rude, insensitive and accusing towards him. I was pushing him to say he wasn't coming back. And it worked. He said it. I felt bad about treating him that way, so I told him why I did it. His first response?

"Will burning that bridge get us on speaking terms... if so... - it will be done."

I asked him to do that in the beginning of December. December 2, actually. He agreed it had to be done. He didn't do it. I explained why I needed him to do it. He said he understood. He didn't do it. I tried to reason with him about how it was hurting our relationship. He said he would do it. He didn't. Now, I've pushed him to the point where he said he was not coming back to me because of it. Now he acts as if all I had to do was ask.

I just don't understand how his mind works.