Poor Sleep and Bad Dreams
I haven't been sleeping well the last few days. I wake up in the wee hours and can't get back to sleep.
But this time, it isn't because of JJ. It is because of FdM.
When I wasn't sleeping in January, it was because I was stressed and upset about JJ. I was hurt and unhappy.
Right now, when I'm unable to sleep, it is because I'm thinking of a new friendship, and wondering if it will grow into something more. I'm relaxed when I wake up at 2am... my mind is racing, but I'm relaxed and comfortable and in a good mood.
Last night, I slept well. But I had bad dreams.
I have an appointment with a GYN on Thursday to discuss having an endometrial ablation. I have fibroids, and the ablation will slow or maybe even stop the menstrual flow.
My dreams were centered around the procedure. The bad part was the doctor not adhering to our game-plan. The doctor kept wanting to do things I specifically wanted him to NOT do. I was very frustrated.
When I was pregnant with JMJ, I had a series of similar dreams about giving birth. In those dreams, I was constantly at odds with the doctors. They were always telling me I had to submit to tests and procedures that I knew were harmful to the baby. In those dreams, JJ lacked the strength to help me. He was a real weenie.
In these new dreams, I am alone. I have no spouse to turn to for support. Not even a weenie. It's just me up against a team of medical professionals who treat disease, not patients.
The pregnancy dreams went away after I sat down and analyzed them. I came to the conclusion that if I didn't trust my doctors, I would just have the baby at home. That made the dreams go away.
So what do the new dreams tell me? The issue of doctor trust is present in both series of dreams. The new dreams have the added dimension of being alone. In the pregnancy dreams, I wasn't alone, but my spouse was removed from the situation or otherwise unable to help me. In the surgery dreams, I start off alone. So nothing can be taken from me.
So what is the main issue? Doctor trust? Or a lack of personal support?
Maybe both.
If I continue to have these dreams, I'll have to think about it some more.
I haven't been sleeping well the last few days. I wake up in the wee hours and can't get back to sleep.
But this time, it isn't because of JJ. It is because of FdM.
When I wasn't sleeping in January, it was because I was stressed and upset about JJ. I was hurt and unhappy.
Right now, when I'm unable to sleep, it is because I'm thinking of a new friendship, and wondering if it will grow into something more. I'm relaxed when I wake up at 2am... my mind is racing, but I'm relaxed and comfortable and in a good mood.
Last night, I slept well. But I had bad dreams.
I have an appointment with a GYN on Thursday to discuss having an endometrial ablation. I have fibroids, and the ablation will slow or maybe even stop the menstrual flow.
My dreams were centered around the procedure. The bad part was the doctor not adhering to our game-plan. The doctor kept wanting to do things I specifically wanted him to NOT do. I was very frustrated.
When I was pregnant with JMJ, I had a series of similar dreams about giving birth. In those dreams, I was constantly at odds with the doctors. They were always telling me I had to submit to tests and procedures that I knew were harmful to the baby. In those dreams, JJ lacked the strength to help me. He was a real weenie.
In these new dreams, I am alone. I have no spouse to turn to for support. Not even a weenie. It's just me up against a team of medical professionals who treat disease, not patients.
The pregnancy dreams went away after I sat down and analyzed them. I came to the conclusion that if I didn't trust my doctors, I would just have the baby at home. That made the dreams go away.
So what do the new dreams tell me? The issue of doctor trust is present in both series of dreams. The new dreams have the added dimension of being alone. In the pregnancy dreams, I wasn't alone, but my spouse was removed from the situation or otherwise unable to help me. In the surgery dreams, I start off alone. So nothing can be taken from me.
So what is the main issue? Doctor trust? Or a lack of personal support?
Maybe both.
If I continue to have these dreams, I'll have to think about it some more.
posted by Tempeste at Sunday, March 04, 2007
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home